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Author Topic: 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE  (Read 1706 times)

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Offline mudbrook

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5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
« on: January 30, 2007, 09:19:35 AM »
Subject: FW: 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE





>
> >A lot of truth here. Please excuse some of the language.....
>
> >
>
> >Lesson 1:
>
> >A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
>
> >shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
>towel
>
> >and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
>
> >next-door neighbor.
>
> >Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
> >towel,
>"
>
> >After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
> >naked
>in
>
> >front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
>
> >The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
>gets
>
> >to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
>
> >"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
>
> >"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
> >owes
>me?"
>
> >Moral of the story:
>
> >
>
> >If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
> >your
>
> >shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
>
> >exposure.
>
> >Lesson 2:
>
> >A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
> >forcing
>her
>
> >gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
>controlling
>
> >the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
> >The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand.
>
> >But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
>
> >The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
>
> >The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
>
> >Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
>
> >On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
>
> >It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>
> >Moral of the story:
>
> >If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
>
> >opportunity.
>
> >Lesson 3:
>
> >A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
>lunch
>
> >when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out.
>
> >The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
>
> >"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
> >Bahamas,
>
> >driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
>
> >Puff! She's gone.
>
> >"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
> >relaxing
>
> >on
>
> >the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
> >Coladas
>and
>
> >the love of my life."
>
> >Puff! He's gone.
>
> >"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
>
> >The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
>
> >Moral of the story:
>
> >Always let your boss have the first say.
>
> >Lesson 4
>
> >An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit

> >saw
>
> >the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
>
> >The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
>
> >So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
>
> >sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> >Moral of the story:
>
> >To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
>
> >Lesson 5
>
> >A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to

> >the
>
> >top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
>
> >"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull.
>
> >They're packed with nutrients."
>
> >The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
>enough
>
> >strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after
>eating
>
> >some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth
>night,
>
> >the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
>
> >He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
> >Moral of the story:
>
> >BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
>
> >Lesson 6
>
> >A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the
> >bird
>
> >froze
>
> >and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there,
> >a
>cow
>
> >came by and dropped some dung on him.
>
> >As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
> >realize
>
> >how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there
> >all
>
> >warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>
> >A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> >Following
>the
>
> >sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
>promptly
>
> >dug him out and ate him.
>
> >Morals of the story:
>
> >(1) Not everyone who shit on you is your enemy.
>
> >
>
> >(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
>
> >
>
> >(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
>
> >
>
> >THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >May you always have -
>
> >
>
> >         Love to Share,
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >         Health to Spare,
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >         And Friends that Care.
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