UPS
>
> These are great....
>
> >Subject: UPS "fix it requests"
> >
> >Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to
> fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one, reassurance for
> those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
> >
> >
> >
> >After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
> correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
> pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
> said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
> maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the
> solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
> >
> >
> >
> >By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
> accident.
> >
> >
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> >S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> >
> >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> >
> >P: Something loose in cockpit.
> >S: Something tightened in cockpit
> >
> >P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> >S: Live bugs on back-order.
> >
> >P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
> descent.
> >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
> >
> >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> >S: Evidence removed.
> >
> >P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> >S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >
> >P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.
> >S: That's what friction locks are for.
> >
> >P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >
> >P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> >S: Suspect you're right.
> >
> >P: Number 3 engine missing.
> >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >
> >P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >
> >P: Target radar hums.
> >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> >
> >P: Mouse in cockpit.
> >S: Cat installed.
> >
> >And the best one for last...................
> >
> >P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> >S: Took hammer away from midget.
